Tuesday, October 27, 2015

You were made to be known.

You know those friends who come into your life as surprises?

Well, my good friend Dezirae is one of those surprises.  She is a serious gift to me. Our friendship took off during the time when she selflessly committed every Monday to me, every week, for more than ten months. She came over without fail to help with my kids, with my housework, and to take care of me when CRPS had me at my lowest.

During those months, Dez made countless peanut butter sandwiches for our combined five kids.  And believe me, it's not because she lacks creativity. It's because my children would survive on bowls full of peanut butter if they were allowed.

Two-thirds of my children, that is.

My oldest is ok with peanut butter. But what she really loves is grilled cheese.  Grilled cheese that's not really grilled, and that has to be on the heel of the bread. So, Dezirae made countless peanut butter sandwiches, along with just as many un-grilled cheese sandwiches on the heel of the bread.

When I got my legs back underneath me and school started shortly afterwards, we stopped getting to see each other as much as before. But a couple of weeks ago, we were having a playdate with our kids.  Lunch time was on its way, and while I changed a diaper in the other room, Dez got out the ingredients to make sandwiches.

When I came into the kitchen to help, she said,

"All of the peanut butter sandwiches are right here. I saved the heel for Ava's grilled cheese sandwich."

And in that moment, I was beautifully reminded of how much it means to be thought of. To be remembered. To be known.

Has something like that happened to you recently? Has there been a moment when you felt truly known?

I'm so in awe of the way the Bible tells us that the very same God who determines the number of the stars and calls each one by name (Psalm 147:7) knows and thinks about and cares deeply for me and for you.  
"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars which you have set in place,
what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them?"
(Psalm 8:3-4) 
He made us to be know Him. To be known by Him. We were created for divine affection by the God of the Universe, who is farther than the farthest galaxy and closer than your skin. The God who knows the number of hairs on your head and how you like your sandwiches.

I love knowing that He cares about the little details.  That they matter to Him.

He gives us such beautiful glimpses of what it means to be known by Him in some of the smallest, most seemingly-insignificant things.  Things like un-grilled cheese sandwiches on the heel of the bread.



On November 25th, I'm launching ToChooseJoy.com along with an amazing team.

  • It's all about pointing you to the Truth and helping you to focus on it. 
  • For strength.
  • For resilience. 
  • And so that you can experience true joy in every step.  


It's the new home for my blog. It's also home to a shop where you can find Scripture-based wall art. And, the thing I'm most excited about, is that we're producing interactive, video-based Bible studies with digital workbooks that you can take with you anywhere, and listen to on-the-go.

Everyone's life looks different, and we want to give you some tools so that you can strategically place the Truth in your unique life where you need it most.


  • I'd love for you to head on over to ToChooseJoy.com and click on "Join the Journey." 
  • This will add you to our email newsletter list so that you can learn more.  As a gift, you'll receive a free 8x10 "Joy" print download.
  • For more encouragement, you can follow us on Facebook.  Like us -->HERE.


Life is hard, and we want to walk the road with you.


















Monday, October 19, 2015

Don't let setbacks steal your hope.

You know the stress you feel when your wallet is missing, or how much anxiety can rise up in you when you can't find your keys and you needed to be out the door ten minutes ago?  And then...the traffic jam that is almost guaranteed to follow?

Maybe it's that feeling when you're trying to get a really awesome dinner ready before your husband walks in the door and all of your kids are melting down around your ankles.

Or when you've got a rare moment to talk with that person whom you so highly respect, and then you say something really dumb...and you try to recover by throwing out a few more sentences that you'll run through your head a thousand times later, wishing you had just. stopped. talking.

Well, no matter how much you might be sweating while they're happening, those moments aren't the end of the world.  Life keeps on moving whether you're late or not.  Your family will survive if dinner if the chicken is dry and the would-have-been alfredo sauce tastes a little like Elmer's glue.  The person you said those silly things to probably doesn't even remember your conversation now.  And, it won't even kill you to apologize later if you decide that one of the silly things you said was actually insensitive or offensive.

Setbacks.  We all have them.  


It's October 19th.  A year ago today, a seemingly small twisted ankle changed my life forever.  I've been planning an anniversary post for you!  To share with you how incredibly well I've been doing.  To update you with how I've been walking nearly pain-free.  How I feel like I've gotten my life back.  It's been amazing.

And, as it turns out, I get to share some different news with you, instead.  About an unexpected relapse.  

A setback.  

Our prayer is that this is just minor...that it will turn back around quickly.  But as the pain has increased and my walking has decreased over the past two weeks, my emotions have taken a hit.  This is certainly not what I was expecting.  We knew that it was the nature of the disease.  But I had almost forgotten that I even had it.  It was just this slightly annoying thing that I had to routinely take medicine for.  

It may get worse.  It might turn right back around and level out again.  And as much as I don't want to have to think about the possibility of having to "walk" the road where I can't physically walk again, I trust God.  

This disease is pretty lame.  

And I've faced all sorts of setbacks because of it.  Some little.  Some pretty huge.

But I'm not going to let a setback set me back.  I won't let it steal the hope that I have.  

And you don't have to let setbacks set you back, either.

Setbacks can tempt us to stop.  Or to look back.  But what would happen if we kept on looking forward, even in the setbacks?

I know, it can seem impossible to tear your focus away from whatever is setting you back in this moment or in this season.  But, the Bible makes so many promises of hope to us if we know Jesus and give our lives to Him.




Here are a few of the reasons for the hope that I have.  Some of the truths that I coach myself through (over and over and over) when things get hard:  
  • This won't last forever.
    • When you meet Jesus face-to-face, you won't have any more pain.  Ever (Revelation 21:4).  
  • God's love for you is always stronger, closer, more overwhelming.
    • No setback of any sort can separate you from God's love (Romans 8:39).  
  • God will comfort you through everything, and you'll be able to comfort other people with the same comfort you receive
    • (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).
  • God knows what you need and will always give it to you.
    • (Philippians 4:19)
  • Suffering makes you stronger, and you can consider everything JOY because of that. 
    • The testing of your faith develops perseverance in you (James 1:2-4).  
  • Knowing Jesus is hope.
    • His love, His power, and what He can do for you and in you and through you is far beyond anything you could ask for or imagine. (Ephesians 1:17-23, 3:14-21).  

Then, I pick Bible verses that help me remember, and I write them down and put them in a places where I'll see them as I go throughout my day.


And I put songs in the background that drive the truth even deeper.



If you want more strategies for hanging onto hope and choosing joy, I'd love to have you walk in a new direction with me.  

What could joy--in every step--do for you life?

I'm getting ready to launch ToChooseJoy.com on November 25th, 2015.  

It's the new home for my blog, but it's much more than that...

Here's a sneak-peek into what I've got coming for you when ToChooseJoy launches:

  • Interactive Audio and Video Bible Studies (including FREE digital wall art from The Shop, as well as Digital and Printable Workbooks) that you can take with you on-the-go.
  • Access to FREE e-books, as they release, on all sorts of topics to help you focus and to fix your eyes on Jesus through the hectic, constant, surprising nature of your day-to-day life.
  • The Shop, where you can find inspiring prints and custom canvases.
  • Guidance on your spiritual journey, empowering you to strategically place the truth in your unique life--right where you need it most.

If any of that sounds interesting to you, I'd love for you to head over to ToChooseJoy.com right now and sign up for my email list.  When you do, you'll get a FREE digital 8x10 "Joy" print from The Shop.

Please share this post with your friends so they can come along on the journey with us!




Sunday, October 11, 2015

I had no idea I was being controlled

A few minutes in, I was still thinking that the book wouldn't apply to me.

Not because it didn't start off well.  

But, instead, because I can be pretty stubborn and defensive.  And the title said that emotions might be controlling me.  Which I really didn't like.  A neat-freak to the core, I like to think that I run a pretty clean internal shop.  I was also pretty content to think that most of the challenges I was facing were primarily someone else's fault.   



When that "someone else" and I read Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts (Parrot and Parrot) back in 2009, I was just as stubborn and defensive.  I thought that I was more put-together than the people the authors were offering advice to.  I didn't want to think that any of the challenging scenarios they spoke about could actually happen to me.  Our marriage would be better than that.  We wouldn't need conflict-management strategies because we simply wouldn't have any conflict.

Ha.

I've, since then, become far too aware of my mess.  Which is good, because it has made me far more aware of my need for Jesus.  

So, as I read what has ended up becoming one of the most impactful books I've ever held in my hands--Enemies of the Heart by Andy Stanley--it happened.  I felt like my heart started to shrivel.  I was convicted to the core.  

I started to see places within myself that were being consumed by EACH of the four emotions Andy Stanley talks about in this book.  Not just one.  Not even two.  But all four.  Talk about humbling.  

He discusses four emotions:  
  1. guilt, 
  2. anger, 
  3. greed, and 
  4. jealousy.  

He talks about the destructive power that they have, and about how easily they can get hidden in our hearts and begin to damage our lives from the inside out.  

If I had been humble enough to think that I might have really needed advice for potential conflicts in marriage, I might have listened more intently to the pre-marital counseling book I was supposed to absorb in 2009.  Maybe I wouldn't have provided such a wide-open door for these powerful emotions to take their toll in my life.  In my marriage.

But, maybe those emotions were already at work.  And maybe they were actually so deeply ingrained in me that it took until a year ago--when my marriage actually started to fall apart--for the walls to come down far enough for them to rear their ugly heads.

Andy Stanley talks about how each of these four emotions has a "debt" tied to it.  
  • With anger, it's "You owe me."  
  • With guilt, it's "I owe you."  
  • With greed, it's "I owe me."
  • With jealousy, it's "God owes me."
 HUGE eye-opener:
"The common denominator in all your relational conflicts is YOU," (p. 162).

My favorite thing about this book is that it doesn't just convict you and then leave you hanging and hopeless.  It provides practical ways to confront each emotion, and biblical direction to help you fight against them.  For example, he talks about confronting anger with forgiveness because "forgiveness is the decision to cancel a debt," (p. 123).  

I love this: 
"In the shadow of my hurt, forgiveness feels like a decision to reward my enemy.  But in the shadow of the cross, forgiveness is merely a gift from one undeserving soul to another. . . When I accept forgiveness from God, I'm set free from the penalty of my sin; when I extend forgiveness to my adversary, there's a sense in which I'm set free from his sin as well, " (p. 129).
He gives incredible advice that applies to real situations in our lives and is easy to put into practice to move forward.

I've may have mentioned that I like clean things...  Sean says that "clean" is my primary love language.  As such, I was especially fond of Andy's illustration of how he has spent each of his kids' lives working with them on keeping their hearts empty of the destructive things that get lodged inside of them.  He made a routine of asking his kids questions like (p. 193), 
  • "Is everything okay in your heart?" 
  • "Are you mad at anybody?" 
  • "Are you worried about anything?" 
  • "Did anybody hurt your feelings today?"
When I learned that Sean doesn't owe me anything, I started giving him the benefit of the doubt and I was able to believe the best about him.  When I learned that I don't owe Sean anything, I was able to start to shatter the idol of perfectionism in my life.  It has come with SO much freedom and peace.  It has come with so much agreement, so much forgiveness, so much LOVE.

As it turns out, a lack of conflict wasn't the recipe for a happy marriage, like I thought for so long.  When pride really did come before a very hard and disillusioning fall, I learned that genuine humility is one of the FIRST ingredients in a healthy and thriving marriage.

The new blog and shop are almost ready to launch!  Watch for ToChooseJoy.com, opening late October, 2015.